..and two years literally flew by.

I should’ve journaled through radiation. I met some UH-MAY-ZING people. I should’ve also journaled afterwards about slowly getting back to ‘normal’. I made a few attempts, but just needed time to process through it. It feels disingenuous to summarize it now. I’ll come back to it.

Blink-Poof-Zoom. Two years later… A few months ago I had my triannual check-up with my oncologist. That man can wrap up all his brilliance in authentic friendliness.. chit-chat and catch-up. “How are you doing teaching in a global pandemic? How’s Tom? I’ve been doing ok, just scrambling to place all my patients in other hospitals for treatment since the wildfire evacuated the hospital.” Looking back this may come off as completely nuts; however, right now it’s a pretty normal conversation to have. Pandemics and wildfires are all the rage.

“Sooooo… your mammogram came back…. didn’t reveal anything..” We made eye contact and only with great discipline did we not roll our eyes because, of course, it didn’t.

I suppose at that moment I should’ve been grateful that it didn’t show any NEW types of breast cancer, but the GIMUNGOUS (I know it’s not a word, I’m a language arts teacher… I’m taking creative license to get my point across), purple-polka-dotted elephant in the room was – of course, it didn’t. I have very dense breasts (at greater risk for breast cancer) and my mammograms and even contrast dye MRI’s come back glaring white all over.

Truly what our silent gaze spoke to one another was that ILC, or Infiltrating Lobular Carcinoma, isn’t seen in a mammogram. It isn’t felt either. This particular type of breast cancer lacks the protein that keeps the shape of the cell so it grows in invisible sheets. This lovely attribute is why it earns

the well-deserved nickname as, ‘the sneaky’ breast cancer. The break from my eyes to the floor was also the acknowledgment that if/when ILC comes back (‘Late’ reoccurrence is after 5 years)…. often it is undiagnosed until it’s metastasized to other parts of the body. ILC also tends to be in both breasts.

“The only way to truly feel free in your mind… is a bilateral mastectomy.”

Tom and I went back to our primary care doctor after 4 years of hopping around. He made the best decision for his family and his practice and went to concierge service only. As tough as it is to pay a yearly fee on top of our astronomical insurance premiums, both of us being diagnosed with cancer we felt it best that we bite the bullet and go back to him.. If there was ever a time to have a PCP it’s now.. someone to keep track of all our diagnoses and prescriptions. Besides keeping an eye out on our big picture, HE IS THE BEST DOCTOR IN THE WORLD! Seriously though, he seems to know everything about everything.

After our initial hellos and review of my file, I threw down the gauntlet. “When you’re bored and need something to research… maybe you want to look up, ILC.” Well.. he knew of it, and explained some statistics of breast cancer and reoccurrence.

“If it was my wife.. I would have her do a bilateral. You need to push this conversation with your surgeon.. didn’t he recommend it? I know him, he’s the best and I have no problem calling him up.”

If you’ve read any of my previous entries you know I deal with these big issues by diving into research. My findings on this particular topic reminded me of my favorite principal in Nevada. He was the most amazing, and compassionate statistics nerd that could write grants like nobody’s business. He would rattle them off in staff meetings explaining why he chose a particular professional development over the current trendy curriculum. I loved making fun of him because I totally dug it… all his data talk. I always wanted to gift him with a t-shirt that said, “If the statistics don’t back you up…tweak ’em!” That being said, ILC is lacking in the research arena. Most of the research I can ever find is on treating metastatic breast cancer. Treatment and recidivism data is pretty split right down the middle. Here’s one that says conservation surgery may be BETTER than bilateral. Go figure.

I do love.. Love.. LOVE my surgeon. He is the kind of doctor that earns my admiration and loyalty. Brilliant, thorough, deliberate in words and actions…he educates me about what is happening to my body, and for that, I am so very grateful. I have an appointment with him one week from today. Until then.. I will continue my research into the middle east.

..that’s a whole OTHER topic of research I’m not allowed to post about.

For those of you that know me and our family… I’ll let you guess.