Math doesn’t lie, people

Remember when I was crying not for myself, but FOR all of my loved ones, when I was diagnosed? Well, to keep it real for my C-Sisters (and I understand now that we indeed ARE sisters, whether we are newly diagnosed, in the ring boxing, or a celebrating survivor)…

I’ve been celebrating FOR all of them this week, but I want to be cautious… I FEEL cautious. It’s not yet time to celebrate. Don’t get me wrong, the fact that I don’t have Cancer in my lymph nodes is HUGE, and I know so many of you have different diagnoses. It’s not that I’m not thankful for that.. of course I am! It’s my life! But even still, I feel calm and want to be realistic.

You have no idea how ironic it is that while those around me are down and up, I’m sittin’ pretty steady. Growing up, I drove people (Mostly my Daddy) ((Sorry, Daddy)) completely crazy with my rollercoaster emotions and life events. My lows really stunk, but my highs were so high they were worth it. I would look to my dad, and actually tease him that he was so boring. It wasn’t until much later that I came to understand that this ‘boring’ I accused him of, was really a calm, consistent anchor for me when I needed him. The ‘boring’ in him I came to love most about him.

So, thinking through this logically…

• Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC) is difficult to diagnose as it doesn’t usually create palpable lumps. “Invasive lobular carcinoma may be harder to detect on physical exam as well as imaging, like mammograms, than invasive ductal carcinoma.” American Cancer Society (ACS)
• “LC tumors grow as single cells lined up in a row rather than clusters as seen in IDC. This makes them harder to detect on mammography.” Breast Cancer Research Foundation, (BCRF)
• “They are also more likely to be multi-focal (more than one lesion) or bi-lateral (in both breasts) and this creates challenges not only in accurate screening and detection, but also in obtaining biopsies and in successful surgery.” (BCRF)
• “Compared to other kinds of invasive carcinoma, about 1 in 5 women with ILC might have cancer in both breasts.” (ACS)

Soooooooooooooo….

• Feeling this lump a few months ago was indeed a miracle, but what about a possible next time?
• My mammogram did not pick up my palpable tumor, even when the technician put a sticker on the area prior.
• My MRI was inconclusive and didn’t see ANYTHING including the marker left in place after my biopsy.
• Soooooooooo….no one can tell me that right now this very minute, I don’t have Cancer anywhere else in my left breast, nor if I have any in my right.
• We don’t know what my genetic testing results are… whether or not I have a BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation.
• Celebrating is indeed premature. I’m happy and positive, and I’m keeping love and light flowing through my body and the Universe around me… but God also gave me a brain. And the math doesn’t add up.. yet.

PS: This sucks:

“Perhaps the greatest barrier to advancing treatments for ILC is a lack of funding for ILC research. Patients and survivors were encouraged to become advocates for more government support of ILC research.” (BCRF)

THOSE OF YOU SUPPORTING US IN THE BATTLE THROUGH OUR FUNDRAISER FOR THE AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY… Paddle for a Cure… THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! Thank you not just for me.. but those that come after me.