I haven’t shared much about how I’m doing emotionally. I think it’s time.

I AM a positive person and innately see the cup 3/4 full. (probably because I’m terrible at spacial relations. I can’t estimate time, distance, weight, and in this case…volume 🙂  Ask my oldest son whom to this day teases me about it. Costco trips when he was around 11 and my youngest son a toddler, I would stare at my cart then to the back of the Explorer.. then back to the cart. He would just smile at me with compassionate eyes and say, “It’s ok, Mom. Why don’t you snap him in the carseat and warm up the car. I’ll load everything up!” I’ll tell ya, my Lil Man saved me on a daily basis in more ways than one.)

People tell me I’m strong, but I actually feel the strength is in my positivity. I trust and believe that everything happens for a reason, and there are no coincidences. I believe the power of our minds are beyond what we can comprehend, so we need to use our words and thoughts with intention and purpose. I try to live in the moment and accept each moment with gratefulness, no matter what it brings. I don’t feel “tough”, or “strong” necessarily. I take deep breaths and try to remind myself a lesson in my life that was a life shaper. Eckhart Tolle shares that to truly “be” in the present we need to be fully aware in the moment and to accept it for what it is. Here’s the key (or for me it was).. accept things WITHOUT labeling or judging it. It’s not good. It’s not bad. It just “is”.

I’ve ever so slowly begun to realize that perhaps.. just maybe.. emotionally I’m doing some ‘stuffing’. The same stuffing that I share with my children (echem oldest and youngest), as well as my students. Your mental and emotional health are critical to being balanced.. healthy. EVERY one of us is dealing with something. Some people’s issues are loud and out in front, center stage. There are many others who struggle quietly.

Whatever “it” is.. you have to find YOUR best way of dealing with it, and then advocate for yourself. It could be exercise, talking with someone you trust, or  journaling to name a few.. but it HAS to be dealt with or it manifests its way into something else. I share with my children that people who don’t deal with their “stuff”, end up trying to fill the hole of pain with addiction…alcohol, drugs, sex.. anything to just feel numb, avoid being alone, and taking that scary step towards processing through it.

We have to pull up our big kid panties/thongs/boxers/tighty-whities and walk THROUGH it. We have to look in the mirror and figure out what’s going on. My mom has always taught me..you have 2 ways to live and you have to make a choice.. live in love, or live in fear.

I choose to live in love.

All of this to say that I’ve made up my mind to take some time off from work during my treatment. For ME.. this is what is best. I’m NOT dealing with the emotion/reality of having breast cancer. I can’t. I don’t have time. I have a family who needs me, and 85 students who need their teacher in full energy mode. I should write a blog someday about teaching 6th graders. It’s a whole other planet.

For ME, I believe it will be best to take some time to process how I do..journaling. (I just happen to publish my journal/this blog to the entire world to read.) I need to do yoga and workout. I need to plan, buy, prep, cook (who am I kidding… we all know Tom does the cooking in this house.) healthy, clean foods. I need to juice the kale that grows like wildfire in my hubby’s garden. I need to sleep. I need to color my ‘F*ck Cancer’ book Lisa bought me. (And she knows me all too well, so it came with a baggillion sparkly pens!) I need to sit by the water and feel the healing wash over me.

I need to take care of myself physically, spiritually, emotionally… and I do these things best when I’m alone. So, I’m going to put myself first this time.

“Danna, if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of your family or your students.. you have to take time for YOU.”

Mommy’s always know best.