A.K.A. “You have breast cancer”

Tom and I had put a bottle of Domaine Carneros 2012 La Reve in the refrigerator. Certain.. CERTAIN to hear, “Benign. Nice to meet you. Have a good day.”

I didn’t go into shock. I didn’t have an out of body experience. I didn’t feel fear, or denial, or anger. I went immediately into research mode. No tears.

Pathology report: Infiltrating Lobular Carcinoma (ILC)... cancer.

We listened for 90 minutes about the history, results, prognosis, and potential treatment plans. I was focused. I was fine. Then I looked at Tom. I only did that once.. until we got to the car. No tears.

Gracie was at the orthodontist, and as our appointment was running late, Tom texted her to go across the street to Starbucks. I still hadn’t cried.

As we pulled in, she saw us and came out.

“Well?” She looked at Tom, then at me. “NO!” She ran into my arms and sobbed, and finally my tears came. So did Tom’s. He sat down in the car and cried as he listened to his little girl let go of her emotions in away neither of us had ever heard before…ever.

I cried for her… her mom had Cancer.

I cried for Tom.. his wife had Cancer.

I cried for my boys… their mom had Cancer, too.

Then I cried for my mom… her daughter had Cancer.

My heart is broken for all of them. I’m so sorry they have to go through this!

But. For me?

No Tears.

We can’t think, we can’t do anything. We aren’t hungry, but it was late and we had to eat.

So… 2012 La Reve and Taco Bell it is.